This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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