is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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