I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
