he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
