Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
