# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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