so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
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Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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