i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
