He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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