Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
