This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
