Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
