I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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