moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
