I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize