I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
