he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
