me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
