Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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