i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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