Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
