he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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