She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
