Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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