Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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