i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
