but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
