So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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