I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
