You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
