his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
