we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
