I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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