the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
