the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
