i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
