i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
