Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
