I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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