I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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