Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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