can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
