Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
