i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"