Already got asked if we're dating
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.