The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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