i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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