we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
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Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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