We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
