Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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