Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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