I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
