She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
