i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
