i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
