I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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