exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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